How to cook a Gator:
Ingredients: About 75 Gators (more or less)
Water by the buckets (rainwater is fine)
A whole bunch of mud
About 75 Wildcats (more or less)
About 70,000 crazy human beings
Enough Kentucky Bourbon from Loretto, Kentucky for 70,000 people (to taste)
A very large pot (Commonwealth stadium)
A time-keeper who knows how to start and stop a clock (this may be hard to
find in some parts of Kentucky)
Preparation: For at least fifteen minutes, (or for one quarter, whichever comes first)
roll each Gator in the mud until fully covered
WARNING: Gators can be pesky little devils; if they try to get out you have to roll them in the mud a second time
Cooking Time: Cook Gators for at least another 15 minutes until they are half done; [You will know when they are half done when most of the 70,000 crazy people begin searching for more of the Kentucky Bourbon from Loretto, Kentucky.]
SECOND HALF OF COOKING TIME: It is important to turn the heat up on Gators as they are cooked. These beasts are bent on intimidation and once they realize they are cooked they will become much more enticing treats.
PRECAUTIONS: The full cooking of Gators has been known to cause dangerous conditions such as the burning of couches, furniture and other items on the streets of Lexington to the amusement of many but to the dismay of some who either like Gators or who because they were on official police duty were not able to obtain any of the Kentucky Bourbon as a part of the recipe. PLEASE BE CAREFUL AFTER COOKING GATORS!
I guess we forgot: Gators relish swimming in a bloodbath; wildcats drown in them.
Posted by: Nathan Zingg | 10/09/2009 at 04:39 PM
Nathan, one reader correctly stated 'do not try this process during the first quarter' of cooking time.
Posted by: Jimmy Brannon | 10/09/2009 at 06:08 PM